Welcome to Burlesque….

I forgot to mention this last week, what with all the dress related excitement, but I’ve started burlesque dancing.  (Lessons that is, you won’t find me at a club near you anytime soon.  Which is probably definitely a good thing – Dita Von Teese doesn’t have much to worry about in that area!)

Darling Sister went a couple of weeks ago, and thought that it was something I’d enjoy (either that or she wanted to make me feel a bit awkward.  Either way, she was right).  So, last week, I put on an all black ensemble (so that I’d blend into the floor) and a pair of heels.  Which I wore for 5 minutes, before realising that my feet were about to fall off, leaving me to do the rest of the class in my flats.  Turns out that dancing in heels is quite tricky, and I now have a new found respect for the entire cast of Strictly Come Dancing.

I’ve now completely lost my train of thought, because The Boy is playing Crysis 2, and has the volume ridiculously loud.  Ooo, he’s just turned it down.  I wonder if he knows that I’m talking about him?

So, where was I?  Ah yes, me and my incredible unsexiness.  As I mentioned last week, I am co-creator of the Happy Dance, which is possibly on a par with Katie Price’s Freddie Mercury impression for sheer seductiveness.  When I was younger and used to go to dance lessons on a Saturday, if we ever had to make up the last 8 counts of a dance ourselves, my group always had to do something funny.  This isn’t because I think that I’m a comedy genius or anything, it’s because I really can’t dance.  Except for the ‘6 Pints of Wine Cheesy Dance Music’ routine.  And I’m not entirely sure that it should ever see the light of day/dark of club ever again.

But back to my first burlesque lesson…

All of the music used last week was from the film ‘Burlesque’.  Sadly, the only experience that I have with the film is Christina Aguilera’s perfomance on The X Factor last year.  Maybe if I’d watched the film, I would have known what I was getting myself in for.

The instructor is gorgeous, and teeny, with long swishy hair.  (Me, jealous?  Yes.  Very.)  Every time she showed us a move, it looked A-MAY-ZING.  Whenever I tried to copy her, I just looked like a bit of a fool.  The best example of this is probably what turned out to be Darling Sister’s favourite part of the class.  During a dance with chairs (using them to sit on and such, not waltzing around the room with them, in case you were wondering) , we had to seductively swing our right leg over the back of the chair.  The reason that this was her favourite part?  The first, second AND third time I tried it, my leg got stuck halfway across the chair, and I couldn’t move.  See?!  Not sexy, not sexy in the slightest.

We also did a dance with fans, which I’m sure would have looked much better if  my stupidly small hands had managed to keep the fan open.  Sadly, it kept closing halfway through the moves (I’m told that in proper burlesque, fans are used as part of a striptease, where you’d cover yourself with 2 fans – one to the front, one to the back, swapping them over to give the audience a glimpse of what’s underneath. If I were to do this, the audiences would get less of a glimpse, more of a full on flash).  But after watching the instructor (she needs a name for next week’s post…), I got what it was meant to look like – really very good, with lots of hip shaking and sexy silhouetting going on.  I want to be her when I grow up.

At the end of the class, she told us where we could buy fans from, in case we wanted to practice at home (or, in my case, pretend to be an extra from Moulin Rouge).  Hopefully people will focus on my pretty new fan this week, rather than the bruised shins and scabby knees.  (I may in fact be the world’s first unseductive burlesque dancer.)


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Mel
    Apr 05, 2011 @ 20:40:03

    Caz you are a fab dancer, stop putting yourself down! (Obviously I don’t know about Burlesque, I don’t want to make it sound like you’ve been doing a striptease for me or anything! I was referring to our cheerleading days!) xxx


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